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India's long-distance brides

Plan International - Sun, 10 Jul 2011 23:34 GMT
Author: davinder-kumar
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By Davinder Kumar
Uttar Pradesh, India

(Davinder Kumar is an award-winning development journalist and Press Officer for the child rights organisation Plan International. This is his first feature of a three-part series on India's 'vanishing' girls.)

IT is nearly five years since Sandhya got married to Dablu. It was a grand ceremony by all accounts involving music, singing and a feast where guests had sumptuous amounts of food to relish.

Dablu, however, is still counting the cost as he went penniless after the big party. The 36-year-old sold his land – the only source of his livelihood - to raise money to get married. He had no other choice. Well into his thirties, Dablu had searched for a bride in every surrounding village and approached relatives to help him out, but to no avail. “There were just no girls of marriageable age. Men of my age had grown up children and I was still single. I tried very hard but failed,” he says.

With both his parents long dead, Dablu did not have the option to leave the matter with elders, as is the custom in most rural communities in India. Recommended by some friends and relatives, he finally approached a marriage-broker who had a successful track record of arranging brides from impoverished villages of distant state Chhattisgarh. So, more than 500 kilometres away and stripped of all his assets for $1000, Dablu married Sandhya.

“Instances like these are increasingly becoming common in India as imbalances in sex ratio are giving rise to social problems,” says Sachin Golwalkar, senior programme manager of child rights organisation Plan in India. According to India’s 2011 Census, in Uttar Pradesh, there are just 899 girls for every 1,000 boys under the age of six. The ratio is even worse in other states like Rajasthan (883), Punjab (846) and Haryana (830).

The organisation through its partner Vatsalya, based in Uttar Pradesh’s capital Lucknow, has been running programmes focused on promoting girls rights. The organisation’s latest initiative - ‘Let Girls Be Born’ has been launched in six states to galvanise action to campaign against female foeticide and address nation’s disturbing sex ratio.

The Indian family system values boys as assets with social and economic benefits whereas girls are treated as economic liabilities with huge costs of marriage and dowry,” says Vatsalya chief Dr Neelam Singh. With village after village running short of girls, ‘buying brides’ from other states is now established as a common practice in parts of the country, she adds.

The long distance marriages happen due to its ‘dowry-less’ nature as the desperate grooms cough up all expenses, in many cases by selling every asset like Dablu or borrowing huge loans beyond their capacity to repay. The brides don’t have an easy life either. Uprooted from their home and environment, they are sent across to far-flung places with their husbands, just like Sandhya who accompanied Dablu to his village in Chinhat in Uttar Pradesh.

Such a massive change often means an intimidating new world for brides, who are often young girls from poor families, and the farthest most have ever travelled is to a fair in a nearby village. “I cried for weeks when I arrived. I was separated from my family and friends. I didn’t follow the local dialect and customs. I was a total stranger,” says 26-year-old Sandhya who left her parents and seven siblings behind.

Poverty often means that such brides may never see their families again. Sandhya hasn’t seen hers since she left home. “I don’t know if we will ever have enough money to travel to my village and meet my parents, brothers and sisters,” she says. Sandhya is probably right. She now has two children, a three-year-old boy and a baby girl of one. With Dablu’s earnings of just $1 a day for a family of four, it is a very bare existence for them and chances of ever seeing her family appear scarce.

“I feel helpless and often cry but I want to give a better future to my children”, says Sandhya who can read and write unlike her husband and most people in her village. Influenced by Plan’s awareness campaign and community development work in her area, Sandhya has decided that she won’t try for any more sons or any children for that matter – an exception in a village where families with many children are a standard. “I want to send my children to schools. I want to see them get educated and get good jobs,” she says.

“She was very hesitant to speak when we first started our awareness and education campaign with the community, but now she is one of most active participants and a role model,” says Amrendra, a community development worker.

For all the hardships, Sandhya comes across as a confident young woman, surprisingly at ease with her circumstances. She dismisses adversities as an unavoidable compromise to carry on in life. So, what’s on her wish-list? “If only I could see my family, just once,” she says.


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